Americans shouldn’t look down on the Russians for their space station’s troubles. Theirs are ending. Ours are just beginning.

Sure, Russia’s Mir is a decrepit old clunker held together with chewing gum. But it’s paid for. Its odometer shows it gave millions of good miles for the money. Plus, there’s an escape vehicle standing by so the crew can ditch Mir anytime. And, hey, remember the road trips like 438 days straight in space?!

America’s space station is a custom luxury car ordered but not yet delivered. Meanwhile, the bill goes up and the excuses go on. Here’s the story of America’s Space Station for taxpayers who aren’t rocket scientists but do speak common sense:

In 1983, a car sales man named Sam (NASA, in Washington-speak) told taxpayers they could have a fancy new car (a space station) for $8,000 ($8 billion, in Washington money) and they’d be driving it 10 weeks (in 10 years, long after one group of politicians was gone). We’re talking loaded with all the latest features (scientific instruments). Who could refuse a deal like that? So taxpayers bought it oeeand started making payments.

After 11 weeks (in 1993, just when Clinton took over), the salesman Sam (NASA) called to say the factory was having a lot of trouble building it. Just when taxpayers were ready to cancel the order, Sam came up with a new plan: his Russian cousin, Ivan, would help. Since Ivan had already built his own, Sam promised Ivan would save a couple of years and billions of dollars.

After 14 weeks (last winter), Sam said that cousin Ivan was a little behind on the work, so it would be another year until the car’s first part was delivered. Also, Ivan wouldn’t pay his crew or give back the money. And some of those extras (scientific experiments) had been dropped in order to pay for the basics. But not to worry. Just send that next payment ($2.1 billion a year in the NASA appropriations bill).

Finally, the taxpayers’ uncle (the U.S. General Accounting Office) checked out the situation and reported back that the $8,000 cost had mushroomed to $94,000 ($94 billion, in Washington money).

Sam disagreed. After all, he said, roughly half of that $94,000 figure is delivery. He never promised delivery for $8,000. Where’d you want it? Space! Well, that’s gonna cost extra. Then Ivan called to say he’d put a little hole in his old clunker, but you could count on him to help on Sam’s new car….No problem….

For further info contact Ralph DeGennaro at (202) 546-8500 x102 or email.